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| Athul Fri 12th Jan 2007 09:17
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this one is dedicated to mockeries on indian, chinese, english, french, german, italian, spanish, dutch, japanese, argentinian, polish, dannish, american, brazilian, jamaican, portugese, czech, slovakian, australian & all other people of origin u know...
Only one condition --- it has to be mockery of a respective countrymen....
Being an Indian, let me start with one on two indian friends....
Two Indians see an advertisement in a window, reading "be white for $10" . They both want to become white as they believe they will no longer be subject to racial abuse.
As only one of them has money, he agrees to try it and if it's good, he'll lend the other Indian friend, $10. He goes into the shop, while the other waits outside. After an hour or so, the Indian who went to have his skin changed to white comes out looking really good and white.
The other Indian then says "wow that really worked, can you lend me $10 so I can be white as well".
His friend turns round and says "fuck off you Indian" and walks off.....
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| Athul Fri 12th Jan 2007 09:27
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Next in the line, is one of two englishmen....
(i love english --- for they put me in awe & make me laugh at the same time for all the good & bad things they do... no racial feelings plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)
Two englishmen were talking about a recently completed football match
First Englishman: "What was the final score in the match this afternoon?"
Second Englishman: "Nil-Nil".
First Englishman:"What was the score at half-time?"
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| Jesirae Sat 13th Jan 2007 00:57
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I like the second one!
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| Lycaan Sat 13th Jan 2007 01:41
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(Being of US countrymen)
Three people are on an island an Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American.
The American says" I've got to get off this stinking island", jumps in and starts swimming.
The Frenchman watches the American get eaten by a shark and says" Sacre bleu! I will make a raft", and begins ever so crafty he forges a raft with his bare hands and sails of into the sunset.
The Englishmen thinks "Why did they not seek mainland across the bridge on the farside of the island?"
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| Athul Sat 13th Jan 2007 06:10
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An American approaches a British gentleman at a club, asks if he’d like to play tennis.
The Brit replies: “No thank you, tried it once, didn’t like it.”
The American asks if he’d like to play billiards.
“No thank you, tried it once, didn’t like it.”
Would he like to play bridge?
“No thank you, tried it once, didn’t like it; but I see my son approaching. He might like to play.”
“Your only son I presume”.
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| Athul Sat 13th Jan 2007 06:17
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When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not
work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to
develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including
glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300ºC. The Russians used a pencil!!!!!!!!!!
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| GeoffReeves Fri 2nd Feb 2007 09:40
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Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.))))))))))
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| Jesirae Sat 3rd Feb 2007 05:36
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How two speak Nuw Zulander
(FOR BISTEFFICT, RID THESE OUT LOWD)
Milburn . Capital of Victoria
Peck . to fill a suitcase
Pisssed aside ........ chemical which kills insects
Pigs . for hanging out washing with
Pug . large pink animal with curly tail
Nin Tin dough ........ computer game
Munner stroney ...... soup
Min . male of the species
Mess kara .............. eye makeup
McKennock . person who fixes cars
Mere . Mayor
Leather . foam produced from soap
Lift . departed
Kiri Pecker ............. famous Australian businessman
Kittle crusps ........... potato crisps
Ken's . Cairns
Jungle bells ........... Christmas carol
Inner me ................ enemy
Guess . vapour
Fush . marine creatures
Fitter cheney .......... type of pasta
Ever cardeau .......... avocado
Fear hear ............... blonde
Ear . mix of nitrogen and oxygen
Ear roebucks .......... exercise at the gym
Duffy cult . not easy
Amejen . visualise
Chuck . very young poultry
Bug hut ..................... popular recording
Bun button ................ been bitten by insect
Bid . a place to sleep
Sucks Peck ................. half a dozen beers
Ear New Zulland ......... an extinct airline
Beers . large savage animals found in US forests
Veerjun . mythical New Zealand maiden
One Doze .................. well known computer program
Brudge . structure spanning a stream
Sex . one less than sivven
Tin . one more than nine
Iggs Ecktly ............... precisely
Cuds . children
Pits . domestic animals
Cuttin . baby cat
Earplane . large flying machine
Sivven Sucks Sivven ....... Large Boeing aircraft
Sivven Four Sivven .......... Larger Boeing aircraft
BeggageChuckken ...... place to leave your suitcase at the earport
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| TE4SE Sat 3rd Feb 2007 22:24
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Cant say I like the first joke as i am white english and as far as i am aware i am not racist.
Obviously athul you believe us english to be racist and stupid..?
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| TE4SE Sat 3rd Feb 2007 22:27
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There is a saying in England..If you want to make friends there are 3 things you never discuss and that is.
1 Sex.
2 Politics.
3 Religion.
So guess I wont comment then.
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| Jesirae Sat 3rd Feb 2007 23:49
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TE4SE-- They are jokes. Noone else seems to be offended so why stir the pot. (I am a Kiwi/Pom/Aussie.)
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| TE4SE Sun 4th Feb 2007 02:21
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Jesirae It seems im not stirring any pot Athul is I will quote his fourth line or instead paste it.
Only one condition --- it has to be mockery of a respective countrymen....
As far as i can see it that is a racist joke on the english. I dare say if i was to put up such a joke I would be inundated with calls of being a racist, but it seems. I have to be told its only a joke, so maybe. I should post the muhammed cartoons or would. I be a racist after all they are only cartoons?
All im seeing in all of Athuls jokes are English this or English that so to quote his fourth line hes not making a mockery of a respective countryman unless. England has suddenly become a part of the Indian subcontinent? If you check his profile he lives in. India not. England I rest my case.
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| fourdeadpresidents Mon 5th Feb 2007 06:13
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I got one and a good one. You know what??? Chicken butt!!! Know it's a bad one but really how many laughed at it???
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| jimm Tue 6th Feb 2007 00:20
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The Four Ghosts of the White House
One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He
awakens to see George Washington standing by him Bush asks him, "George,
what''s the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises,
and then fades away...
The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas
Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom,
please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from
sight...
The third night sleep still does not come for Bush. He awakens to see the
ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is the
best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the
mist...
Bush isn''t sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure
moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads,
"Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"
Lincoln replies, "Go see a play."
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| Windows2007 Sun 4th Mar 2007 10:02
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Irish Joke.... not racist ppllleeaasseeeee........just funny joke.
A lady comes home from work early and she finds her husband in bed with another woman, she gets knife from kitchen and cuts of his willy, she runs out to car with willy in hand and skids off down dark country lanes crying and angry, when she gets about a mile away from house, she opens the car window and throws his willy out of the car window. Coming towards her on the other side of the road is a van with 2 Irishmen inside, the willy hits there windscreen, Paddy says to Mick..be Jesus ! did you see the size of the Dick on that Fly !
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| Windows2007 Sun 4th Mar 2007 10:03
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Irish Joke.... not racist ppllleeaasseeeee........just funny joke.
A lady comes home from work early and she finds her husband in bed with another woman, she gets knife from kitchen and cuts of his willy, she runs out to car with willy in hand and skids off down dark country lanes crying and angry, when she gets about a mile away from house, she opens the car window and throws his willy out of the car window. Coming towards her on the other side of the road is a van with 2 Irishmen inside, the willy hits there windscreen, Paddy says to Mick..be Jesus ! did you see the size of the Dick on that Fly !
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| Ramjet PRO Sun 4th Mar 2007 22:14
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Racism ? There's no such thing in the Comedy community so chill guys !. Being Jockenese I thought the wee Indian blokes jokes were pretty funny. I did ponder the comment of TE4SE regarding 'Mohammed' which suggested to me the assumption that Athul would be Muslim ?. Not Sikh or Hindu possibly ?. Maybe it's just that Athul sees all people as 'John Thompsons Children' ie we all piss the same colour, bleed the same colour, we are all the same and so CAN laugh at each other
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| lagwardia Fri 9th Mar 2007 19:23
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This is really really lame but it's true.....
A Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub. They proceed to each buy a pint of Guinness.
Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy pint three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"
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| Windows2007 Fri 9th Mar 2007 19:40
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Lagwardia... lol lol ... that is funny ..he he
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| lagwardia Fri 9th Mar 2007 19:44
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funny...but true....knocking over someones pint her is tantamount to treason!
these are so bad but since its nearing paddy's day....
Two men were scuffling outside a pub when along came a huge Irishman - fists like hams - who started taking his coat off.
'You're fighting about Ireland, aren't you?' he demanded.
'No, no,' said both men in unison. 'Honestly, it's a personal matter, nothing to do with Ireland at all.'
'Huh,' muttered the Paddy, and shuffled off. Two seconds later he was back, tearing off his coat saying:
'So Ireland's not worth fighting about, eh?
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